Revisions

 

Kayla,
I really enjoyed reading your paper.  I do have a few suggestions for you for your final draft.  I would add a title on the second page above the main text, I would also think about splitting the second long paragraph into two if possible.  The last suggestion I have would be to expand you conclusion just a little bit.  Overall though I thought it was a great rough draft! (student)

Hello, 
I enjoyed reading you analysis. I believe you did a great job analyzing the passage and projecting it to your own audience. You citations look correct, I would suggest adding headings to your final draft before each paragraph. Also, if you can add more to your conclusion I would. I had a difficult time on the conclusion because like you, I feel it can be concluded in a couple of sentences. Your conclusion is good, just add to the length if possible. I hope I was able to help! Good luck on your final draft! (student)

Professor,
Well done, Kayla.
Great job on your essay.
Here are some suggestions for your revision.

1.  Introduction works well, but the last two sentences in the paragraph are a bit unclear. Revise those. Also, add a thesis (see step 2 in instructions) that lets the reader know you will analyze the use of logical and emotional appeals in the essay.
2. Currently you talk about logic and emotion together, in paragraph 4. Break this into 2 paragraphs and analyze the use of logic and emotion separately, make each its own paragraph. This is what the instructions stipulated.
3. Good ideas.
4. Develop conclusion more.
5. Second paragraph is very strong.
Well done. professor 

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